today i miss having buffet lunch with you. would it have been the Market place?

i really hope to hear from you how you feel about this whole saga of you. i’m sure it’ll be a funny but poignant at the same time.

*PAUSE*

hello KN i’m sure you reading, you stalker! your baby is crying for you ha ha ha…

*back to HQ*

as  i was saying, doubt i wanna go anymore buffets, cuz first it will make me think about all the buffets we had plus, i think i’m stress and have been eating too much. i remember our very first buffet we had when you treat me to my first secretary day lunch. i couldn’t believe we ate from 11am to 3pm at the now defunct Genghis Khan in Ngee Ann city. it was yummy. after that is buffet 4 times a year hur hur…

Happy birthday for the 61st time.

still thinking of you…

i hope you are happy going around up there.

wednesday, i collected my keys. the moment i saw the keys, i was happy but in seconds, i was teary…didn’t cry cry la, just the thought i cannot sms you to tell you and knowing that you are not gonna message me back to tell me how happy you are for us, made me sad all over again.

its amazing how much i can cry. everyday, for a months. i kinda still misses you a lot. now i know what they mean when we have a void and looking for something or someone to fill. so far? no luck. nobody seem to be able to see things the way you do. either they are too loud (i loud enough already) or too enthusiastic or too nice. i won’t find any more. i’ll just replay you in my mind in every situation.

when we were planning for leave for next year, you reminded me that i needed time to do up my place. we also plan not to have any house warming (c’mon spore not warm enough meh?) but just you and your mrs over for a nice cosy show off time ha ha ha…you’ll prob buy us a nice painting. we may want to hang a nice grassmere picture on our corridor wall, yes we have corridor in our pigeon hole. what you think?

we are very excited….but a part of us, i know, will never be the same.

from 3 november, i so wanted to write to you but somehow i just couldn’t find the time. i’m busy making your song book, busy crying, busy calling all your friends, busy looking out for you, so busy that i don’t even have time to, like people say, ‘grieve’…i simply can’t sit myself down to write to and about you. maybe its only better. i cannot grieve 100%. 72% of me is busy, busy planning what’s next, 27% doing the work and prob only given 1% to grieve.

you know, i don’t buy ice cream to eat, today i did. and thanks to the cornetto, some biscuit stuck  in my molar then i give myself the excuse to write since i busy getting the crumbs out. for a moment, i blanked out. i have so much to write for the past weeks but now, blank.

people tell me to move on, we gotta have closure, he’s in better place blah blah blah…but i simply don’t understand what they mean. i only know the only things that is close now is prob your bank account and your senior citizen ez link card. if you are here, you will be able to tell me what is call ‘closure’. move on?how to? i can’t even pack up your PC before its send to your place. i’m still cleaning them as per normal.

i’m worried, you always tell me, whatever we do will affect another person. i don’t know how to ‘move on’ myself, how to ask others to ‘move on’. till now i haven’t tell anyone to move on, except telling them ‘the show must go on’.  i’ll make sure everything you have thought and planned will be carried out, sui sui.

i dare not move on, what if i forget you? forget what you tell me? forget your jokes? i was so upset my phone is spoiled and i cannot see our last conversations for past month. i found some old sms from march and its like as if you have just told them to me. just looking at your handwriting and signature makes me wanna cry. i have decided not to look at old emails and sms but i to remember you in my mind.

thanks to you, so many people visit my blog ha ha ha…random fame. ok stuck biscuit is out, my excused have been used up.

i dreamt about you twice, please lah, speak up clearer in my dream next time, i can never remember what you say to me when i wake.

YOU ROCK BOSS!

finally i decided to listen to the song you have chosen for your funeral you told me about. i regret i only remember one and my stupid phone is sent for repair which means notes are wiped out.  i just want to say its  not even nice! the marching drum beats are so un you lor. you would want the Beatles beats, and Cliff Richard’s groove, ain’t it your highness?

God… i miss you so much you know. its weird. and reading the lyrics of The Carnival Is Over is only making me worst. i must say its a bad choice still. you are making all of us cry.

Say goodbye my own true lover
As we sing a lovers song
How it breaks my heart to leave you
Now the carnival is gone

High above the dawn is waiting
And my tears are falling rain
For the carnival is over
We may never meet again

Like a drum my heart was beating
And your kiss was sweet as wine
But the joys of love are fleeting
For Pierrot and Columbine

Now the harbour light is calling
This will be our last goodbye
Though the carnival is over
I will love you till I die

Like a drum my heart was beating
And your kiss was sweet as wine
But the joys of love are fleeting
For Pierrot and Columbine

Now the harbour light is calling
This will be our last goodbye
Though the carnival is over
I will love you till I die
Though the carnival is over
I will love you till I die

then again after reading it, the song is prob for Alice. Oh how her heart aches for you. i cried all the way from home to office and worst when i walk pass your empty room (ok its always empty) knowing i can no longer share with you my quest on being a counselor at home.

you taught me (or rather force me) to make my workstation clean and i always defended my mess saying ‘mess is where the creative people are’ oh how wrong i am. i love to clean my table every week now. and it make my mind clearer and my person calmer. i now wipe till i can lick my hokkien mee sauce off it. talk about hokkien mee. i will miss buying lunch and papaya juice for you, you silly ol’ boss.

paulyn ask ‘whatz gonna happen to faithworks?’ and i gamely answered ‘i just got promoted lor’ i don’t want to be promoted to your lousy position, its such a difficult job. plus nobody will be as detailed as you. i need your timeline for our 2012 show! now i’m lost. maybe i shall check your hard disk for some clue.

you must be laughing at my silliness now. crying and bawling over the keyboard and you accept me for that. when we first said our parting good bye when i quit church to work in the ‘outside’ world as designer, i cried like today too.  you say ‘good bye, i am no longer your boss now’ and i can see you turn your face away from me, hiding your on coming tears. somehow, you just make me difficult to say good bye to in any way.

i will never forget all the humorous time we shared together. i remember i translated your father-of-the-bride speech on your princess Janice’s wedding. oh how i must have embarrassed w my half pail cantonese, but i saw the twinkle in your eyes and i know, you didn’t mind.

how i hated the fact that you believed so much in me. i mean seriously, what have i done to deserved it. you let me run countless of show and i only give you constant heart attack with low ticket sale and you have to buy the tickets yourself. walau and you push me all the way to New York leh and i come back only myself being fulfilled. through FaithWorks, i must say you live up to that name, with Faith everything will Work.

i was looking forward to receive your christmas present this year, is it another ‘trip’ to europe? Daniel miss you very much. he look up to you all the time, and now we can only literally tilt our head up and look at the sky. now i cannot go London without thinking who can i share my buckingham palace experience with. maybe one day i will go to grassmere and walk the steps you took. guess now i can save up your xmas present and put into my London fund.

i went your place last night. your garden is going to miss you. can i have one of the creepers? i like to adopt them. your curtain remind me of your shirt you always wear. the dining table remind me of your chicken soup macaroni on CNY, and how you will purposely buy a small bottle of tobasco sauce for my pasta because you know i like it and thereafter the dinner, i get to bring it home. and because jasmine is coming, there’s coke in the fridge.

i can never watch another Rowan Atkinson again…ok not for now, maybe later when i miss you less. Mr Bean will never be the same. you, like Johnny English, will be a legend to me. how rare we find another person who have the same passion for Johnny English or british comedy or the Queen. i can go on forever telling others your story but my head is bursting now from 12 hours of crying and counting…

you saw the best in me, that’s all i can say.

have you done grammar check on the above?

till we meet again…eh, go check out my room for me.

you both are growing way too fast. as you grow, enjoy the days God has planned for you and remember this…

Your eyes, your eyes, make the stars look like they’re not shining

your hair, your hair, falls perfectly without her trying

you’re so beautiful, and I tell you every day

 

I know, I know when I compliment you won’t believe me

And it’s so, it’s so sad to think you don’t see what I see

But every time you asks me do I look okay, I say…

 

When I see your face, there’s not a thing that I would change

Cause you’re amazing, just the way you are

And when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for awhile

Cause girl you’re amazing, just the way you are

 

Your hands, Your hands i would hold them all day if you lets me

Her laugh, her laugh, she hates it but I it drives me crazy

You’re so beautiful, and I tell you every day

 

you know, you know, you know I’d never ask you to change

If perfect is what you’re searching for, then just stay the same

So, don’t even bother asking if you look okay, you know I’ll say

When I see your face, there’s not a thing that I would change

Cause you’re amazing, just the way you are

And when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for awhile

Cause girl you’re amazing, just the way you are

<3

Attended bedok north sec school carnival this evening. It was great to amongst sweaty young people haha the energy of the place was high! Really brings me back to being a teenager again. Tired was never in my dictionary.  Oh how I envy their energy now. Their laughters are robust! There’s a knet game station with dance challenge. Whether its cool or looking silly, The kids just dance their heart out! Now with 2 kids in tow and students approaching me ‘AUNTY come my stall…’ I am just to embarrassed to Shake my saggy booty.

However, Like the song, ‘forever young, I wanna be forever young…’ *jiggle*jiggle*

It was in this letter box that I dropped in an important mail without proper add and without return add. Oh the horror! It was suppose to put into somebody’s letter box

I called sing post to ask abt it. They say that letter box have not been collected And its 5.50. My hopes are high cuz the usual time is 5pm but Here now I stand, for more then an hour and postman is 2 hours late for his normal collection time. The singpost people say all improper add will go to a special dept. I hope they’ll find my mail amongst the millions of bills, love letters and maybe a few, like mine, insufficient address mails. As I wait between the mail box and bus stop, my bus arrived and I abandoned the wait n run for the bus. Shall go to lost n found dept tmr

Oh Where oh where are you dear mr post man?