tete-a-tete

sometimes i wonder how maids with children can leave their children behind and go to a far far away, the other end of the world and work. they cannot put zambuk for them when the mosquitos bite, cannot cane them when child punch a boy in school, cannot sayang sayang them when the child wakes up from a nightmare and for some, cannot hear their cheery voices for the next 2 years and some never see their child the last time before they died in the land they came in search for happiness for their child.

even for a million dollars, i will not leave my girls…or so i thought. i just left tonight…for a while only lah!

i was about to leave home for a meeting tonight. while i was getting ready to leave, victoria said smilingly, ‘i go work with you.’ the smile is childish, cheeky but unsure. cuz she know i’ll say no to her cuz mummy’s going back to work but what the heack just try her luck and ask me lah. but still rejected. the unsure smiles and rejection continues until i open the door. she tries again, this time putting onher sandals but i still say NO, cuz mummy’s going to work. she clung onto me (like those old fashion love story…ni bu yao zou…lightning thunder *crrrraaaash*) I WANT TO GO WITH YOOOOOOOOOO!!! her pronouciation very clear already. esp the ’t’s hur hur…

now she’s at the understanding age i can’t just walk away and leave her wailing and prob vomitting her lunch and tea breaks out. oh wad a mess! c’mon gotta think think think! ahah! got a brilliant idea!time to use my weaponm again i say, ‘i got a surprise for you, you want?’ her eyes lit up, she nods her head. oh how easy to please…or so i thought…i went to the usual place where i hide my ‘treasures’ and anyhow dug out a lousy packet of chocolate for an old goody bag and pretend its the real deal. she looks glad now. phew! time to chaboot!

when i turn around at the entrance, the look on her face just break my heart. i wanna cry as i type this. her face was teary. she look at me and then look down at the packet of my stupid lousy chocolate and look at me again when i say good bye to her then i realise i just cheated her feelings with a packet of lousy chocolate. i used my selfish adult brains to cheat the kid. she trusted me becuase everything we did or gave her was a special surprise. the chocolate is not special, its not even nice! thiking of adult who abuse kids, physically, i think i just abused my child, mentally. we can argue ,’aiyah, she dun know mah!’ exactly! all kids who gotten abuse, didn’t know too! they thought you give them nice candies becuase you love them! but in fact its because of our selfish reason.

what if on the way to my meeting, i met a car accident and she NEVER see me again? and in her memory her mother gave her packet of lousy chocolate and rejected her. yikes! thank God i’m alive and typing this. i promise i will buy more quality chocolate from now on.

after my meeting, i was waiting for bus. so went over to the newspaper stand to check out some magazine, then i ask if there’s ELLE. a teenage boy helping in there said yes, but his mother said no, cuz the boy didn’t unload the mag from the van. so i said nevermind lah, i can buy another day. THEN an argument between them start. the arguement grew louder and louder and louder and i hear the mother say,

get outta my sight and get home! stop being a nuisance here, i dun need you here….go and die lah! you dun go back is it, FINE I DUN WANNA WORK HERE ANYMORE! you stay lah!

why must use such harsh word? what if theboy outta anger really go and die leh? we only have such short time with our kids, can’t we just take the time to love them more then we scold them?

once again, i salute all who leave their kids behind and went to another country to work for a living. i pray that God will watch over your kids and they will love you and appreciate your sacrifice.

i love you 2, vic and dot.

*wipe tear*