where’s home?
have you ever look out your window in the night to look across the opposite block. peering thru their window and wonder wat’s going on inside?
have you ever look up your flats when you coming home late at night and wonder how it feels to sleep in that 14th floor room with soft light?
have you ever wonder how it felt if you are homeless, peering into other people’s window from a bus stop, wondering what’s going on inside and how it felt to be sleeping in that room with soft light?
is home where you have comfortable aircon and large tv screen where you can watch TV? or is home where you see smiles the moment you enter the place?
guess we’ll never know how it felt to be homeless. beacuse you know you HAVE a home. after you peer into people’s window, imagine the bed in that room and large TV screen…you go HOME. prob to a 14inch, table fan and harsh flourescent light and the floor is littered with toys…but you know you’re home.
i just wanna be with the one i love…even if we live at the playground.
where’s the pause button?
dorothy is 4months and 1day already! we are still breastfeeding. jia you to me! feeling very tired BUT gotta press on! she is using theether now…very soon she can sit up and walk and run and call ma ma and…get married…waaaahhh….
i’ve return to work 1 months already! what have done so far?! gaaaah…buck up! buck up!
and
victoria…oh victoria! she is growing so fast, i think i miss a lot of action when she’s in school and i at work. i’m tempted to quit my job and stay home wiht her e-v-e-r-y-d-a-y! ahhh…her growth is driving me crazy. its like telling her whenever i goes to work…
‘mummy MUST work, so you and i can have saturday fishball noodle. so i can buy milk powder (not the china ones). so i can take taxi with you so that i can buy you storybooks…’
actually she also never ask for all the above. everything is I wanna give her, its I think that those are needed. who needs fishball noodles every saturday?!! hur hur hur!
we were at playground again…there’s a little indian girl who is literally ‘fast and FURIOUS’ she like this little energy ball that can bounce up and down and not scared of anything. can play very wild. climb up and down the chin up bar, swing here and there, even i very worried for her and she’s FURIOUS! she always scream and cry and kick her legs or YOU if doesn’t get her way. she wanted to ride victoria bicycle. can you imagine??
the first time – i have to talk very loudly to her cuz she don’t wanna hear me! i keep saying ‘XXXX take turns! take turns!’ ‘wait! Your turn next’ ‘only 2 round each person’. i kept praising her whenever she give it up for vic’s turn and finally when i cannot tahan i told her ‘victoria is going home’ she clung on the bicycle and scream and ultra throw tantrum pattern all come out – scream, kick, wanna wack my dear victoria, roll on floor…so hiong! i told vic its not right to scream and be angry anywhere, and we shoiuld all take turn blah blah blah…at home, vic will told me ‘XXXX cry in the playground.’, ‘i wanna share my bicycle with XXXX.’ i say very good, let’s share with her.
but that was 3weeks ago…of course that pass weeks was as above.
today, XXXX is able to share and can return to let vic ride without any problem. i continue to praise her whenever she alight from the bicycle, although i very scared she kee-siao again. victoria LOVES to share with her. met a lady with a son. she commented that victoria is very good with sharing. i feel so proud *ahem* ok ok be humble, be humble. typical sporean me, to shy about it just say,’ya lah, you know lah, kids need constant reminder non stop. ‘walau, i just can say thank you and full stop isn’t it?!
i realised my girl is growing so fast when she attempted the usual slope saying, ‘mummy, no need to hold me’ *sob*sob* she sttempted not only once but many times. the mini slope are a big thing for her okay. she got flung out many time before BUT she NEVER cries! i is so proud of her this personality. hope she will grow into someone who’s not afraid of failing in her life.
words she use today
-in the morning, she tore the plastic off her new book from her aunty.
aunty: victoria, please throw away the plastic wrapper in the bin.
victoria took the wrapper, without complain and walk towards the bin and she pause infront of the bin and look at aunty again…
aunty: yes, throw it into the bin
victoria: cannot
aunty: yes, can throw
victoria: cannot, inside no plastic bag.
Victoria turn and walk to the kitchen and throw.
oh man! most kids prob bo chap and just throw inside the plastic-bag-less bin. aunty say she very responsible…wow! a 2.5yrs old CAN be responsible.
-dinner time (mine)
she wanna eat my food. so we both shared food. she fed me and i fed her…
victoria: we having fun? (with the ‘question’ voice)
mum: yes, we are having fun
then she smile 
ahhh heart melt. she use to say ‘this is funny.’ this is not funny’ to express whether she like or dislike certain thing. now she can say ‘having fun’. her brains are unstoppable.
victoria, please dun say ‘mummy i dun need you’ too soon ok…please need me for a long time.
so happily tired part 2
Dorothy start to admire herself in the mirror liao…the hiao-ness is coming out!
after returning alive from the farm recce we went on to fulfill our promise to bring victoria out. we went to carrefour to buy rollerblades! bikermice has always wanted to learn rollerblade so we can hand in hand (ahhh…) and chiong the roads carparks void deck.
i so proud of bikermice’s bravery to challenge himself to this sport at his age. whatever his reason is – to lose weight, to impress his collegue or BABES! its no joke sia! for our age, fall down hor can cause problem in our coming years leh!
our lesson was from the living room to the lift loddy to the void deck and i like to give my heartiest congratualtions to Bikermice for being able to stand on his own, skate forward…very little stumble towards the end of Practice1. and i, after so long not on wheels, fell on my bump! he so scared i break my back hee hee i was enjoying his attention, should have ‘aiyoh’ more…wrist REALLY hurt leh!
bikermice has melted into the bed already, tmr sure late for work!
more practice tomorow…
ahh! i feel love tonight…like first time pak tor heee heee so shy *blush*
so happily tired part 1
my mondays are ultra precious. its a day i am suposedly given to rest (cuz i officially work on weekends) but tiem is just sooooo precious i wanna do one million and 2 things!
sold my flat a month ago. its too tedious for me alone to pay the flat plus i can now use my name to apply for a love nest for me little family…praying that God will bless us with a palace…oh its too much to ask? ha ha…ok lah a flat please thank you very much.
so my parents are moving to my sister place this weekend. i didn’t realise the time! we needa empty the flat by next tuesday AND I HAVEN’T SETTLE MY CATS!! my sis place is over crowded to children, adults and tantrum throwing senior citizen, so sorry pussy cat, kindly move towards the exit sign 
panic today, i only left with exactly ONE WEEK to find them a home, a hole or a box. tried about 5,6 farms and even SPCA (not to put them down but to house them) all soooooo expensive. because i not sure when my parents will receive their rental flast so it could 1month to 2 years time. all ‘hotel’ are so expensive. as exensive as $16 a dayX365X2cats…you calculate lah, i feel faint even thinking of it ha ha…my dad miss the cats the most. they are like children to him. he feeds them, sayang them and talks to them. initailly i wanna bring them back to malacca for my godpa to look after but my dad so worried they will run outta house and lost their way. tiger’s feet have never touch tar road! the only time is when she fell off the window, even that she only touch cement floor ha ha ha…so there! pa pa i got them a new home!
Cat Welfare Society gave me a contact and here we go! check out this picture blog
this farm is in Lim Chu Kang Lane1. we went to recce the place by motorbike and oh man! by the i reach there, i can’t feel my bum anymore from all the vibration of the bike ha ha…the people there are very nice and smiley. made me feel so comfortable and confident about putting Tiger and Sunny there. there are so many cats there and most of them look happy and fat, other then that, they all wanting people to touch them when we walk pass their cage.
awww…sayang sayang….
i’m happy with this farm and my dad can visit them any time without the need of bringing his passport and he know that they wil be fed by premium food, beter then our science diet
wahhhpiang!
i shall be presented by Most Careless Mother Award..for the day!
went to church this morning and PLEASE go church is to worship God not play at the back of the sanctuary! for Chirst sake, literally! tsk tsk tsk…that’s exactly what we did…PLAY! and…
A BUA-LOOO-KU for victoria! its totally my fault. if i have insisted that we gone back to our seat and focus on the worship, instead of ‘following’ vic’s whines to ‘i don’t wanna sit here’ this may not have happen. i was wearing a skirt (pre pregnancy ones okay!!) and flare ones, so it look really fun to play around my skirt. so my dear darling kept running and bash into me and the skirt will sorta wrap around her face, she keep playing so i ‘made’ it more fun so i started moving my hips left and right and next thing! MISS CUE! and she missed my body and went pass me and fell on the floor and cry!! so i picked her up and hug her so she can cry in my chest (like that not so loud mah). after few seconds, i lift her away from me and AHHH! A HUGE BUMP GREW OUTTA HER FOREHEAD oh ma ma so big!! really like those Tom and Jerry when they kena hit by a hammer their bua loo gu grow upwards, so is victoria’s! i’m so amazed and worried at the same time.
thankfully all my friends are there to help – take dorothy lah, buy ice lah, help to coax victoria to allow us to cold compress the swell lah, although i try to stay zai, my hands were kinda shivering.
NO MORE PLAYING during worship or letting victoria go wild.
heartache sia…so…
guilty mother went to buy a ‘peace’ for victoria…her very first thomas and friend toy. victoria is such a gentle person. i purposely got it wrap up so she can rip it open (just for fun lah!) but she gently peel off the tape, and open the top, took out the toy and wrapper still look brand new! she’s very un-child! thought this toy is just another plain toy - all japanese how to know their function?! wen we start playing…wow! i’m amazed! the train is a normal pull back train and you can arrange the tree, the house and the windmill so it can go forawrd and bang the things and it’ll bounce in different direction. $11, steep but oh well, buy ‘peace’ lor…someone say we are able to love others because we have enough love in our life…my dad used to buy me toys when i’m sick and it did made me feel better, hope vic feel better too.
get well soon baby girl!
shopaholic
whenever i see this mother-daughter in my church i hope and pray that my girls and i will be like them. close enough to share deepest sorrows and BFF
i have my share of mother-daughter time on saturday with victoria. we went SHOPPING! such the girly womanly thing to do. i dun really enjoy shopping that much last time but now S-H-O-P-P-I-N-G has new meaning – more time with my girl (only for now, next time wil be girlS)!
think victoria also kena the girls-must-love-to-shop bugs and she picked an expensive pair of shoes to try *faint* the mother is very tempted buy but gently told her, ‘oh this shoes are too big for you, next time we buy okay?’ actually i no needa to say ‘next time buy’ cuz she also never say she want wad! just the adult in me THINK of buying oni…tsk adults! check out those rubber boots!! so hard to find but i finally found it and its on sale BUT NO i didn’t buy…sole too heavy BUT SO SO CUTE!!! of course victoria tried everything! she just happily took her sandals out and on the green froggy ones, the pink dora ones, the stars, the stripes, the Cars, the minnie, the mickey..*pant*pant*
don’t know why since the birth of dorothy i’ve been dying to shop and hopefully can buy something. anything 50c or $5 or $50 (not $500!) anything! den i’ll feel satisfied. am i becoming a shopaholic? yikes! i scared! cuz i dun think i’ll have enough money to keep buying 50c stuff!!! ha ha…
i really thank God for my girls -
Victoria is so well behaved at the shopping centre and shops. no pulling or yanking is needed. no screaming, only the occasional ‘victoria! mummy’s here!’ (while digging into the $6 per blouse tub) or the occasional ‘maaahmmeee!’ (cuz i taught her to shout MUMMY if i’m outta her sight cuz her voice very soft lah) shopping with her is so fun! she’ll take blouse in walk into the changing room and put it on her chest and admire herself AND she’s take take a shirt put it on my leg and say ‘mummy, let me measure you!’ (cuz she too short to reach my body kekeke…as i cannot NOT buy a $6 blouse for her, i didn’t even care that its gonna be her bed time WHICH MEANS she’s gonna keee siao very soon BUT she’s so well behave till the very last minute – she totally deserve the 2 $6 blouse and hair clips i buy for her.
Dorothy is becoming really adorable with her laughter and grins and toothless smile. she recognises me now (awww…so fast hor!) whenever she sees me toothless grin begins! today she so happy, i just needa say CHIKEN RICE she laugh and snort! but when i say BAK CHOR MEE . . . no reaction. when chicken rice again, she giggled and scream ha ha ha so far i love this phase of her most!
love you both, babies! MUAKS!
of babe and breastfeeding
today, i have dare dare left dorothy at home to accomplish my one million and one thing. whenver i think about the baby or even typing this, i can feel my ‘milk bar’ filling up. i can only resume my motherly duty 6 hourse later, pray that boobs will not leak cuz i got no breast pad today! yikes! it will be such a sight for the kids ha ha ha ha!!!
i hope dorothy WILL NOT struggle with milk bottle today and just enjoy the ‘ice cream’ breastmilk ha ha…
oh ma ma i miss her… and her…
Dear God,
as i’m preparing for the children program now, i pray that you will prepare the hearts of the kids who will be learning about John3:16. May they feel your love. I pray for Shirley who’s leading the most important part of today’s program to teach the children ‘do you believe?’. use us fully, Lord.
Amen.
things that’s been happenin
so many things happen last week
-met an old friend on FaceBook, realise his son died couple of years ago. read blog felt so sad but was encouraged by friend at the same time
-met the cleft lip baby girl
-got problem with some christians, never felt so heavy before.
-got problem with some non-christians, never felt so heavy before.
-talk a friend who’s struggling with being aimless in life (God help him!)
-death of my nephew
well on a lighter note…
-dorothy is preparing flip completely. now she reach 90degree already
and she so pretty now
-start face painting. i’m addicted to it. doing it again on 28 Sept for children’s day.
-found my very first prayer partner
-my period is back (not so lighter note, quite heavy kekeke…cramps yucks!) but also mean i’m releasing eggs again!
-victoria learnt to say 1-5 in bahasa indonesia. made a deal with my trusty helper ms Thiam, if victoria can say 1-10 in bahasa indonesia, i’ll give her $10 to which she say ,’huh? so little?’ ha ha…deal is stil on, victoria is not achieveing anything yet…hur hur hur…come and get the ten dollar neh ni neh ni boo booooo…
-STILL breastfeeding.
Good Bye Daniel
NO THAT DANIEL YOU ARE THINKING OF LAH! beter make myself clear before you become concern n start calling me and asking me ‘WHAT HAPPEN HUH?’ heh heh…i know you’re concern for me lah *blush*blush* kekeke…
anyway let’s not spoil the mood…ahem…
my nephew passed away 160908 night. received the news, heart stopped a second. called niece and cry together. quickly apply for passport for ah dot and left for malacca 180908…
Daniel is travelling tonight on a plane
I can see the red tail lights heading for *Spain
Oh and I can see Daniel waving goodbye
God it looks like Daniel, must be the clouds in my eyes
*i wish it was only spain
~ Daniel 1976-2008 ~
dear daniel,
i was there last night. wonder if you heard popo crying. it was very difficult for me to look at you, a familiar face lying motionless in the box. where’s the laugh? sorry i didn’t keep you in touch all these years. hope you were happy. your kids are lovely. it broke my heart when i met your wife. broke my heart more when she say ,’my children now have an incomplete family.’ all i can do was to hold her hands and cry our hearts out together. did i tell you she’s very pretty? she felt lost, lost beacuse you didn’t tell her anything before you leaft. lost becuase she lost you. i met your dad too - the happy big man but last night, he looked frail and his hair have turned all grey. he stil have that joking voice but as we chat, he broke down. he was sad he couldn’t save you even with CPR that night. he was sad, you were his only dearest son.
do you remember when you were 8, i sat behind you on your bicycle as you show me how fast you can cycle? we zoom round and round your kampong and when we were about to reach you gate the final time, i got flung out of your bicycle because i waved at popo? the scar on my right hip is still there.
we have all grown up and grown apart and distant, litterally, in different countries. i wonder if you have heard about Jesus. i hope that name was in your heart that night. why didn’t i remember to pray for you and your family, why didn’t i tell God about you. after last night, i’ve began remember that our family dunno Jesus and they may be gone before they even hear His name. i’m sorry, i’ve never pray for you. i will now. i will pray for your wife, your 2 kids and the rest of the gang who loved you.
daniel, thanks for all the little little memories you have given to me.
Love, 7th aunt
children
dorothy went for physio today. forgot to report to you, dear readers, she was born with club foot. i was taught to do some exercises at the hospital befor we were discharged. very hard to continuously do lah. she must be awake so can flex her her foot muscle. scratch the lateral side of her feet 10X2feetX6set…very hard to achive in the earlier months cuz whenever she’s awake she wailing or i feeding her or changing diaper then she sleep back…HOW TO DO?!
feel bad last night cuz i didn’t do the physio then panic sets in. what if because MUMMY didn’t do the exercise she cannot stand properly? what if MUMMY didn’t do the exercise she cannot walk properly? what if MUMMMY didn’t do the exercise she wil be outcast by her peers next time? ahhh…
with a panic heart i went to sleep.
*DING* woke up! today i got to send victoria with my bikermice. so long didn’t pak tor. after that, we walk to hawker centre from her school then eat so much so much…hah! so much for trying to lose weight, bikermice. not me, i still need my 4000calories to breastfeed. heh heh…
SO after that we went physio. panic, panic! will the therapist give me bad report ’sorry your child need op to straighten her legs BECAUSE YOU, THE MOTHER, DIDN’T DO THER EXERCISE!’ ggaaaahhh…
while waiting, i saw a little baby with gadget over her face – clipping her nose to her mouth. she’s got cleft lips. my heart break. i can;t help but start my kpo mother conversation. her mother was still cheery. say the clipping is to prepare her for lips op. the baby still can make sound like normal baby. i thought she’s 2-3months but she already 5months and 1/2 of dorothy size. with her lips cannot breastfeed so the mom gonna pump and give bottle. as a mother to not being able to breastfeed is very sad. well for me at least. seeing the cleftlip baby, dorothy’s club foot dun seem worrying any more.
oops! my turn to see the physio. heart pounding!! check check…therapist say ‘oh good improvement!’ taught me 2 more new exercise – more achiveable and more fun to do heh heh and say she should be able to be discahrge after the next appointment. HOORAY! she’s not gonna be outcast by her peers!!
so first was the cleft lip baby that breaksmy tofu heart. next its this blog - moved me to tears by him today. but i was very encouraged today…
yikes! dorothy wake up liao, gotta feed her! continue the above sooon
