better to be dead?
last night i was flipping channel and blowing my nose as tears flood my eyes. its weird how i can link channel 8 and 5 sadness altogether. others say i cry easily, its true, no point denying. anything can make me cry.
channel 5 was showing MJ’s funeral. channel 8 was showing Ann Kok’s interview.
the performance in MJ’s funeral is like putting all best singers and musician together. one thing came to my mind. why does people always, ALWAYS says good things only at your funeral? maybe only wanna remember your good since you already died.
brook shield’s sharing moved me most. its toughest when a friend leave you suddenly. and of course all his brothers and sisters bid their farewell to their partner,brother and friend. then as the camera pan across….AH HUH! MJ’s eldest son was CHEWING GUM!! i’ll come out of the coffin and slap him.
think the organiser of the farewell did a good job, good concept. the last part as the GOLDEN hearse was pushed out (i dun think MJ’s body’s inside lor! what if Thriller happend again ha ha…LIVE) the band played music of his tunes. i thought they will play his cd with his singing along but no, only instrument. and the lights went off one by one – audience, stage, instruments…and what its left is a spotlight on stage with a microphone standing in the middle without the King of Pop’s single sequin gloved holding it.
oh and then there’s Ann kok sharing her stories on channel 8. when she talk about how grateful she was to her parents, she cried. then make me cry ha ha ha…anyway she was sharing how she want her parents to enjoy their life right till the end of their life. i feel her. cuz i also want my parents and godpa to enjoy their life all the way…only please! stop the whining! MUMMY!! ha ha ha
oh here goes again, MJ’s song on the radio again…oops sorry but i dunno the title ;p
H1N1
our first experience with the so-call deadly H1N1…
30 June
i went to sleep worrying i may kena H1N1.was asking my sister how to know and blah blah…ok ok we all will go check check at polyclinic cuz i’ve been coughing for a month and after a week of antibiotic i was well for…HALF A DAY! and the i seem to have the full blown flu symptom.
panic panic…plan to see doc and ask for an xray(the doc who gave me the antibiotic say one, if not well need an xray to be sure, lungs clear…i scared to die now)
1 July
victoria woke up with a fever…38+….SHHHHHIIIIITTT i’ve pass my H1N1 to her!! quick quick! shower and off we go to the polyclinic…
drama begins
the moment we reach downstairs *booooom* thunder lighting! waaah like in movies. this is how close to making a movie was i that day.
Sound FX : thunder
mother was coughing badly. daughter running a high fever. oh no, rain pouring soon. grab the fever child up, carried her to the main road. trouble! no taaaaaxxxxxiiiiI!!! how can!!!
mother keep looking for taxi, still no sign. argh! bus is here! quick run up the bus!
manage part one. now on the way to take the MRT. rain started to pour…pitter patter…
so took 131, change to MRT to toa payoh, change to bus 238 to Polyclinic.
ok movie part is over.
went to polyclinic, wah! really like seen in news. got tent extended all the way to the carpark. those who travel overs and not well within the 7 days goes to the tent. heng ah! we more then 14 days already. the mooment they use their gunlike thermometer and ’shoot’ victoria, the thermeter give a emergency ‘bbbbbbeeeeeeepppppp’
its 40.4!!!!!!!!!
we both got mask! she gets the mickey mouse one but its as hot! she dun enjoy mickey covering her mouth definitely.
very quick its her turn…uh oh…she’s needed to do a swab test as her under the High Risk group being so young. swab test meaning, put something in the mouth, which means, SHE SO GONNA MERLIOON!!!
of course for the sake of my child’s diagnosis, i encourage the doctor who decided to give up when she see her crying and wailing. i say, i’ll grab her, you just DO IT!
DONE! saliva specimen taken. nurse say unless its positive, they won’t call me. so its no news means good news 
NOooooo..trouble begin…she cry and cry and V-O-M-I-T…
SPLATTER everyone and everywhere…some just siam us ha ha sorry ah, didn’t mean it…worst is kena my body!
the doc also wanna fast fast see her seeing her in distress. then he said. dun be too alarm with H1N1. its a virus but can be dealt with. thought he was very nice and helpful to help decide what to do with her then quickly decide on Tamiflu. i dun quite like tons of chemcial in kids one so i opt for ordinary medicine first and pray! ha ha
then its me…he also agreed on Xray…my story not very exciting, lungs clear but now flu is fullblown with whatever you can think of for flu.
victoria got well the next day, surprise surprise and to date
DOROTHY KENA THE FEVER!!!! sigh…poor second child. after the 1st one fall sick already, 2nd one usually can relax a bit cuz i know she’ll do well with paracetamol and watchful eyes.
*blow nose into kitchen roll* yes tissue won’t work…
report book
she’s only 3 in Nursery 1 and she got a report book…feeling the stress already…i mean me ha ha ha…
got parent-teacher meeting yesterday. they gave us a report book and together with it, its a file fo worksheets and a chart of pictures as you can little bit of it. the pictures show how she negotiate for toys, her creativity using 2 toilet rolls as binoculars, stacking up her tall tower with bocks. then can the report book. as i flip inside i so scared to see there are things she have not achieved…phew mostly improvements from 2008. bikermice says, ‘its all bullshit lah. last year mostly ‘Fair’ now move up to mostly good…wait till u see the trend the next half year, surely all from good become ‘very good’ *evil grim*
mostly they report her learning ability, social with other children, motor skill, reading, counting…
well to me i just love the assurance given to me that my girl is socially well developed. the first thing the teacher ask me ‘do you teach a lot at home?’ instead of taking that as a compliment, i feel ashamed. am i a kiasu mom?? ha ha ha quickly i push the ‘blame’ to victoria. ‘oh she just love to read and write lah..ha ha’ which is very true! the moment she open her eyes, she will stumble to her books, grab anything and read…her eyes not even completely open fully from her sleep yet somemore!
dorothy is totally opposite again. nothing interest her…that will be another entry…
in the report book, the teacher wrote mostly good things about her and then there’s always a ‘but….’
‘…but she needs to learn to ask for things’ ha ha ha bet she’s the no sound, no open mouth just grab!
oh well, i still love her and i’m very proud of my victoria.
she and her butterfly magnet. she colour it i cut it
dotdotdot
hello everyone!
i am 1 year, 1 month and 1 day old today. here’s some update for you.
- i can walk YEAH! but everyone laugh when i walk, maybe i’ll just crawl
- i can clap and shake my boodie! current fav wondergirl’s – nobody think my papa LURVED it! a lot of aunties dancing and clapping…
- i know what’s YES and NO…cuz mummy everything also NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
- i can nod my head when i hear ‘you want food/milk/carry-carry?’
- i shake my head very fast when mummy say no! ha ha so funny!
- i love my sister. she make me laugh.
- i can say pa pa, che che, yea yea (which sound like ya ya), po po and adding to my list if MA MA MA MA MA which made mummy very happy, dunno why atually i calling my grandmother *grin*showing 8 teeth*
- mmmuumm-muuummmmmm is my favourite word. whenever i say that i get something in my mouth, cakes lah, biscuit lah, rice lah…i like this word.
- and of course i have a new aunty who cleans and feeds me. she don’t speak like mummy. i dun quite understand her but she give good food to me..that’s more important.
- the furry thing at home got loud sound coming out all the time. i like to pat pat pat her bum but she dun seem to like and mummy will say gentle, gentle whenever i do that. maybe furry’s name’s Gentle?
- oh and i know mine…its DOROTHY! *pat pat chest*
i DON’T like you
every morning is quite challenging when dealing with kids and husband ‘lazing and slouching’ around while i try my best to get everything ready for the day. why do i put invertor commas? beacuse they dun think that they are ‘lazing and slouching’ around. to me, they look like they are going to melt into the floor and the mattress.
every morning you can hear me say,
hurry hurry
quick quick
get into the toilet NOW!
c’mon c’mon!
you want the cane to talk to you?!
move aside i need to take the uniform
swallow your eggs!
blah blah blah i go…
so THIS morning…victoria woke up late, grumpy. demand for pillow, demand for milk. tried to cut her nails, she refused! then say wanna pass urine. although i know she MAY trick me by saying that but i also dun wanna risk it. hate the mess when they give me the i-told-so look and urine on the floor o_O
after that she didn’t come back in. continue to eat her breakfast outside. mother in law always use her heart and soul to prepare breakfast for all this ungrateful kids. either they reject or spit out or worst vomit! but this morning, our friend actually finish 3 out of 4 pieces of chee-kuey to my MIL’s delight. victoria’s face is still grumpy.
then is shower time. dun wanna bath. dun wanna go school. this ‘dun wanna go school’ have been for days already. so i ask her one night…
mum: why you dun wanna go school?
vic: i dun like friends
mum: i thought you like melody?
vic: i dun like them to say good bye to you.
every morning when i sent her to school, all her little friends will come and hug me and say good bye to me. oh man! i’m one hot ma ma huh ha ha ha…
back to this morning. she nua around for so long, i have to drag her in and shower. not so bad no major retaliation. after shower, she know she must dry her feet first. prob not too dry this time, as she walks out…yes you guessed it. she ‘PIAK!’ on to the marble floor. sigh….late already still gimme this kinda thing! i try my best to sooth her. gave her cold compress. then my turn to change. she loves to squeeze me to one corner while i take my clothes out of the drawer. so i gently (i think i am gentle) push her aside. then she fed up already.
vic: i tell you not to push me right? i say i can take my own socks right? you don’t push me!
wahbiangs so fierce.
ding dong ding dong…we walk out of the house with buay song feeling in the air already. then some people were playing badminton at the playground.
vic: what r they doing?
mum: playing badminton
vic: i wanna see
mum: no, we are very late already.
vic: i wanna see for a while
mum: no
vic: i wanna see i wanna see i wanna see i wanna see i wanna see
mum: we are late
vic: I DON’T LIKE YOU!
mum: ….
vic: i AM ANGRY NOW
mum: *took a deeeeeep breath*
then i try to explain. but strangely, she didn’t let go of my hand. maybe children are like that. angry is one thing, holding hands with your mom is another.
waiting for bus…
mum: how are you feeling now?
vic: i’m still angry
mum: why?
vic: because you pushed me just now (ey isn’t that like ealier incident?)
mum: i say sorry already to you mah
vic: no, you didn’t say sorry (OH! SHE ACTUALLY REMEMBER CLEARLY!!)
true, i didn’t say sorry. adults, stop trying to bluff this little people, they know!
on the bus, she was still upset. so i hug her, put her on my lap. let her manja…
then we reach the school. walk into her class then running back to me quickly
vic: you.cannot.say.gooodbye.to.the.children
and all the kids say ‘BYE BYE BYE BYE BYE BYE…’
poor victoria, she just can’t have her mom all to herself…
i’m still thinking of her now…
p/s: dorothy walk a few steps last night
a mother’s heart
read a headline on the Newpaper at Mr Habib prata shop ‘girl, 4 with rare cancer…’ the headline is good enough to kill me. i really hate seeing news about children. especialy when i’m a mother, it get worst. i cannot imagine if the sick child is mine. all i can do is to take each day as if its the last and i want to give my best to my girls.
i urge you to pray with Charmaine as she fights this cancer. if you have money, GIVE THEM PLEASE…help her to live. all i can do is to cry with the mother.
ourfeistyprincess.blogspot.com
prepare some tissue :’-(
you all happy can already
here we go again to malacca to visit the dear godpa. same kinda trip. extremely tiring everytime but worst is the weather and no aircon but great company and fun with all the children. most of all, we get to see godpa. each time we visit him, he seem older. oh he got new denture, which help to look younger ha ha…love him lah…he always so kan cheong spider over everything. obviously only the children enjoyed the most.
see more here… my sister also have some.
conversation starring benjamin and victoria on the bus back to singapore…they are drawing on the bus…
vic: do you like me? if you like me, i will draw for you
ben: i love you
vic: no, you don’t love me
ben: i really love you!
the rest of the conversation are whispering ha ha ha ha ha ha…don’t tell victoria that her mom have a blog about her ha ha ha shhhhhh…
so small
while retireving lost files…i come across this picture…
this is victoria, so tiny, breaks my heart seeing this picture and now she so big already!
sigh…
both pictures taken by her gu-gu
on a lighter note…
i’m feeling christmas is coming….YEAH!! its the most wonderful time of the year!! for starter…watch this
happy dreaming-of-holiday!
scared this scared that
i work with some old people in my organisation. because they are old..well…they tend to get sick, stroke or the worstest we…not really worst…go home to be with the Lord.
so far, some stroke, some gone home to be with the Lord already and one recently suffered from stroke, and a fall when he could walk already. my parents also are getting older by the days. thankfully they are full of energy but also have problem.
-dad’s fell from 4th story and fracture his pelvis ions again
-then kena open hear surgery cuz of by pass
-then kena stroke after
-then fainted in the toilet while poo-pooing and bump his head
but thank God for all His protection, he survived all those ordeal and even became stronger after.
then is my mom.
-she’s got fainting spell all the time
-then dignosed almost-diabetes. i say almost cuz she no need medication just needa curb diet and she feel that its the end of the world…drama queen…oh man i got the drama part from her!!
-long ago, she had some woman’s problem, some thing to do with her uterus. but she don’t remember exactly what just say her uterus was remove and she doesn’t even know if its cancer. cuz if its cancer means…i MAY kena!
since i gave birth to my 2 princesses, i fear i will die early. i won’t get a chance to see them to school, scrutinise their boyfriends, i won’t get to see them married…worst, my bikermice will dress them horribly. i know you prob think why i worried the latter. they are girls lah, i dun want them to be wearing their PJ out and thinking its ok ha ha ha
someone die of bone cancer and left kids behind. wabiang i so sad to hear that, then reminded me my granduncle died of that too but of course ultimately pneumonia that killed him. anyway cut story short, i have knee joint pain, and tondonitis..those are bones too…i worried i have bone cancer.
then i worried i have cervical cancer (pep smear-ed already, all clear! thank God!) then i saw bruise at the side of my both breast, then i worried i got breast cancer, checked website, they say it could blood vessle burst, not so bad no need see doc unless painful.
worried this and that…tempted to do a full body check up to ease my mind but so BLEEEEEDY EXPENSIVE! why not give free to everyone leh? no wonder they say poor people die first.
but i always, everyday tell myself, my life here is only temporary and i must make full use of it and do my best as a mother, daughter and worker…and take good care of my boby given by God.
spend each second meaningfully, bless someone today.
will ya?
